…which leaves THIS guy OUT.

Yes, File 13 paid a visit this week to Pinson, Alabama, where 29-year old Randy Dwayne Vert, for some reason, stole himself a Kenworth T-300 flatbed truck.  But he was quickly spotted by police, who gave chase.

And by “gave chase” I mean “patiently cruised along behind him” as ol’ Randy-Dwayne slowly lugged along I-59–at around 25 mph–until the truck’s transmission seized up.  Because he didn’t know how to get it out of FIRST GEAR!

Quoting from the police report, Randy was “apparently unfamiliar with the complexities of the modern manual transmission”.   That’s right, he couldn’t drive a stick.

And, says Chief Deputy Randy Christian: “Thank God he couldn’t find SECOND gear–the pursuit could’ve gotten all the way up to 35 mph”.

(Editor’s note: And I understand that they let him keep his driver’s license…but suspended his Man Card.)